Honor

"Those who stand for nothing fall for anything."

-Alexander Hamilton

Do we live in a society where Honor is so uncommon in the common man that we become turned off of people when they display it? 

Do we live in a society where Respecting Honor is a stretch of the imagination?

Have we become so removed and out of touch that we struggle to Honor ourselves, to such a point that it requires Courage to do so?

"For though we love both the truth and our friends, piety requires us to honor the truth first." 

~ Aristotle

Honor is a great many things and has many forms and applications. To live in Honor. To act in Honor. To Respect and receive Honor. To Honor our hearts before the minds of others. Honor is a philosophy much lost on today's society. 

It is not meant to be easy as the quote above gives proof. It is meant to be earned rather than a right of birth. Honor requires practice, it requires confidence, and it requires good. To Honor something under greed, prejudice, or ill intent breeds something different entirely. This is not Honor.

"It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is."

~ Hermann Hesse

I am beginning to learn how to Honor myself. To remain confident in my decisions when I know that anything else would offend and upset the boundaries and expectations I have of myself. I am beginning to learn how to Honor my heart in that when I hear it speaking to me I will choose to listen instead of turning away from it. I am beginning to Honor others in who they are, what they represent, and how they choose to perceive the world. I am beginning to Honor my ethics, my values, and my morals. Without these I would be nothing. 

To find those who Honor me and who I am will always be a challenge, but, as with any obstacle, there is always Hope.

Respectfully Yours,

~ Birdie

Apocalyst

There are many things I want to accomplish and experience before my time comes to leave this great Earth.   As it is in my nature to be a planner, organizer, and creator it is surprising to me that I have never comprised a list of these things so that I could one day begin crossing them off. However, in this moment I have been inspired to do just that. To help me remain accountable and to follow me on my path to fulfilling my goals in life I am posting my "Apocalyst". <--- Who needs a "Bucket List"?

Apocalyst:

• Learn to Fly
• Have children
• Explore the Mediterranean
• Own a horse
• Summer in Greece
• Learn how to play the Violin
• Learn how to play the Piano
• Skydive
• Swim with sharks
• Audition for a Play
• Publish a book (or 7)
• Own a successful business
• Climb Mt. Everest
• Learn how to sail
• Shoot a Shot Gun
• Hold a Tarantula
• Go on a Cruise around the world
• Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
• Become a Master Herbalist
• Start an animal rescue
• Build my dream home

... It's a start. 

Wish me luck!

~ Birdie

Medicinal Roots: Natural Baby Raising (Blog Feature)

I stumbled upon a fabulous blog about a year ago that was all about raising our children naturally, DIY, and clean living. Having since built a bloggie-relationship with the author, I was able to ask her a favor- to write a blog post regarding natural baby raising for my followers. I have many friends who are veteran mothers, freshly minted mamas, and mamas who are just beginning their journey (congratulations to you all!), so I felt this information would be extremely valuable to them and for myself as well when that time comes. This week's Medicinal Roots was authored by Jennifer de Phoenix, mama of the Cupcake, blogger of DIY Cupcake. Jennifer is also an artist! Check our her Etsy Shop HERE.

Thank you Jennifer for taking the time to write this for us. 

Hospital vs. Home Birth

For many mama's, this choice is not presented as a choice.  They will birth in a hospital because... that's where you give birth, right? But for a select few women, they will read, research and find that a home birth is an option and it is safe.  They will interview midwives and find someone to assist them in labor. I was one of those women, and I couldn't be happier with my choice!  I LOVE my midwife and her assistant and her partner midwife.  My daughter is now 8 months old and I still see them every other week, just to say “Hi.”  

For some women, a hospital birth is necessary.  Either because of diabetes,  they are expecting multiples, or for other complications.  I urge those women to seek out a doula for labor support.  Over 30% of hospital births in the U.S. were cesarean births, a major abdominal surgery, with SERIOUS risks of blood clots and more. (source for %) Many studies have found that by simply having a doula (trained labor support) present at a birth reduces the use of pain medication and reduces c-sections.  Cesareans are so common that I've heard people joke about how much easier and better they are, but for the truth about the risks and complications see here.  Obviously the most serious risk is death, and no mother should be dying in this day and age from childbirth! The recommended rate for actual need of c-section should be around 15%, anything higher is unnecessary according to the World Health Organization. 

Because of the high rate of c-sections in hospital settings, I'd recommend a home birth (no c-sections there!) or a birthing center.  With a home birth and birthing center there is always the option of going to a hospital if NECESSARY, but you don't get the choice vice versa.  With a trained and licensed midwife assisting at a home or birthing center, there is little need for fear.  Although, many doctors would like you to believe otherwise.

My favorite part of a home birth? (Besides being able to eat and drink whatever I wanted?)  NO I.V.!
I think it's unfortunate for so many women to believe they need a hospital, We are built for birthing!  No other animal uses a hospital and neither did we for thousands of years (hospitals have only been birthing locations for less than 200 years)!  A Natural labor is best at home, where I could move freely, and feel every movement, I felt connected to my daughter (before I knew she was a daughter) and I felt in tune with my body, Michel Odent refers to a process in labor where a women's mind switches to old knowledge.  That old brain knows how to birth, by adding drugs and interventions women are preventing from accessing this old brain.  In labor, I gave in to my old brain and let my body do it's thing, I have never felt more empowered and self aware. 

Breastfeeding vs. Formula

Let's talk about this in a strictly financial sense.  Breastfeeding is free.  Formula requires the purchase of bottles and the actual formula.  

Let's talk about this in a strictly time sense. Breastfeeding is quick, remove nipple, insert.  Formula requires the prep. boiling water (anything less can lead to illness), bottle usage- cleaning and assembling.

Now let's talk about this in a health sense.  Breastfeeding is normal, therefore, perfect for each baby every time.  It helps the baby's digestive track health, which also leads to life long health, as this is where illness fighting takes place within the body.  Many times you'll hear breastfeeding is best, but it's not, it's normal.  Anything else, is not as good, it might be good enough, but it also might be recalled for plastic and metal shards, or it might cause diarrhea or it might literally rip open the baby's digestive track, microscopically.  Breastfeeding on the other hand is gentle on a baby's tummy and it helps reduce the mother's risk of breast cancer.  (more benefit for babies here)

Finally, let's talk about this in terms of emotional sense.  Breastfeeding releases oxytocin, a hormone that allows the uterus to contract after labor (helping to reduce hemorrhage) and also creating a bond for the mother and child.  Oxytocin is known as the love drug. It's what fills your body during your first kiss and even when you hug your parents.  It helps to bond the mother and child and from first hand experience I can tell you, it reduces baby blues.  After giving birth, I was so emotional, or not emotional I guess.  I was happy and loved my baby but wasn't sure I was feeling that LOVE that everyone talked about.  I loved my baby, but I felt like I should love her more... breastfeeding allowed me to bond with her and helped me feel like I was connected.  It really helped in moments of frustration or stress.  

I know some mom's have to return to work, but there are a few options for those moms.

1. Pump (or hand express).  While on maternity leave, get as much milk as possible, store it in the freezer for up to 6 months or the fridge for about a week and continue pumping during lunch breaks and whenever possible.  Source feed when the baby is with you.  The minimum you should breastfeed for is 6 months, that's when all the benefits really surface.

2. Use donor milk.  Eats on Feets has chapters all over, with healthy moms donating milk to other babies.  Human milk from a donor mom is the next option recommended by the World Health Organization BEFORE formula.

Cloth Diapering vs. Disposable Diapering

Cloth diapering is easy.  I know it might sound overwhelming, but hear me out.  I bought a bunch of gdiapers and some other all in one diapers.  When my daughter goes to the bathroom I rinse out poop in our back yard with a hose, then leave it out to dry in the sun, then wash it later with the laundry.  When she pees I put it into a bucket and wash it with all the laundry.  I wash them and dry them and the poop doesn't stain or stink up my clothes.  I also use E.C. which I'll explain below.  I NEVER have to buy diapers!  I am saving a lot of money, even though I had to spend a little up front (around $300). I can also reuse the diapers with future babies.

Disposables are just that; trash.  There have been recalls for chemical burns on babies bottoms, and they irritate bottoms more since they are papery.  They are wasteful and fill up landfills.  If you've ever opened a diaper up for a science project you've seen the absorbent material inside, it's not nearly as biodegradable as you might think.  It won't break down like cloth when you're done and it can't be reused. I really have nothing more to say about them because I really can't imagine why anyone would use them when the current cloth options are so cute, convenient, and bottom friendly :)

Elimination Communication vs. Diapering

Click here to read about Elimination Communication in full detail, otherwise, I'll just give you a general overview.  E.C. is when the parent learns the ques of the child and takes the baby to the toilet to eliminate instead of having baby eliminate in his or her diaper.  The theory is that babies don't want to defecate on themselves but we train them to be comfortable in their own poop and pee and then we have to untrain then later when we potty train them.  I've been using EC since Sonja was about 2 or 3 months and I do miss (as in don't notice or don't catch them in the toilet) poops and pees in her diaper, but its rare and I don't feel bad that she might be sitting in poop because usually I help her go in the toilet or sink. 

Conventional Diapering is when the parent leaves the child in a cloth or disposable diaper for 2-4 hours.  This is fine for parents who don't mind wiping up poop and pee off their baby's behind, and fine for those who don't mind using tons of oils and products to prevent diaper rash.  This is also nice when used in conjunction with EC.  many parents like to run errands and can get caught up in certain moments.  By using a combination it prevents serious messes while still fostering strong communication between caregiver and child.  I technically use a combination method, but I TRY to leave my daughter diaperless as often as possible around our home.

Baby/Child Lead Weaning vs. "Baby Food"

Child Lead Weaning is when the child or baby tells you he or she is ready for solid foods by reaching or grabbing.  As the parent, we make sure that the baby can safely consume what he or she is reaching for.  Sometimes a piece is too small, or too sharp or hard for baby to eat, if that's the case they don't eat that food.  My daughter has experienced broccoli, bananas, apples, and more but NOTHING mashed.  If she can't hold it, she doesn't eat it.  This also facilitates a longer breastfeeding relationship because she is not eating a lot of nutritional rich foods besides my milk. By drinking milk for longer period of time she is increasing her immune system.
Processed and packaged baby food is not something I want my daughter to consume.  I don't know what truly has been mixed into that mush.  I do not know the effects of the preservatives in each jar.  I do not like what I know about the BPA found in the lids of those jars.  If I was going to do the mushed food method I would steam my own veggies and I would blend them in a food processor or blender and freeze and save such food. 

Natural vs. Plastic Toys

Natural toys include: wooden blocks, metal rattles and so much more.  My daughter has a lot of books, toys and objects she plays with.  Not all are marketed as toys.  Some are wooden cooking spoons, metal bowls and pans, frozen wash clothes (while teething) and other functional objects.  I like that she is exploring real objects she will use in the future.  I also like how she will have to imagine more sounds, functions and concepts as she gets older.
Plastic toys are designed to be sold, used and tossed.  Plastic never breaks down molecularly.  It will not biodegrade back into the earth.  I am scared to death about what this culture has done with plastic, it's killing all the fish in the oceans (well not all... yet) and it's giving cancer both from production (dioxin) and from use (BPA) and yet people still think it's the coolest invention ever.  I would advise any parent to avoid ALL forms of plastic, no matter what, to keep their kids healthy.  I have a simple outlook in my home, if they didn't have it in the Pleistocene (cave man days) we don't NEED it now. 

Baby Wearing vs. Strollers

Baby wearing is the concept of using a sling or wrap to keep the baby on the parent as opposed to placing the baby in a playpen or stroller or car seat and carrying the baby around like luggage.  I see 2 obvious benefits from this: 
    1. Baby is always close to mama or papa and 
    2. It helps mama get back into her pre-pregnancy shape by continuing to carry around a few extra pounds.
Baby wearing is essential for E.C., as baby will rarely pee on the wearer when given proper opportunities to go to the bathroom.  It is also really great for baby to develop neck and back strength as opposed to those car seat sleepers who are lounging in their seats.  ALL the babies I know who were worn, more often than not, are quick sitter uppers, crawlers and walkers.  I think that all has to do with the fact that they interacted so much with their caregiver and their surroundings. 
Strollers for transportation are convenient when at the zoo, park or events.  I, however, rarely use my umbrella stroller.  I still wear my daughter a lot, she is 8 months old and over 15 pounds.  If I'm not holding her or wearing her, her daddy is.  She doesn't mind the stroller, but she will get fussy after a while, something rare if we're holding her.  I often see parents out and about with a fussy stroller contained baby; and all the while the parents are trying to reason with the baby, instead of just picking them up and giving them the affection they need. 
I guess this can be a touchy subject for many people, as lots of my parents generation will tell you, "that will spoil your child."  But, I'd really love for someone to explain to me how you can give someone too much love? I think it's interesting people wonder why we get spikes in crime (murders and rapes) MAYBE there is a connection to the disconnect we impose on new people?

Soap, Powder and Oils for Cleaning and Diapering

In conclusion, I'd like to share a few little natural tips for diapering and cleaning.  We use california baby soap and I think any of the mild soaps you find at natural grocers would be fine.  When doing our childbirth education classes we were told not to put anything on our baby that we wouldn't eat, and not that I would eat soap, but I check to see if most of the ingredients are edible.  For baby oil, we use organic olive oil as many marketed oils are derivatives of petroleum and not edible.  For such a young age, it's important to remember that so much is absorbed sublingually (through the skin) and what goes ON the baby ultimately goes IN them.  For baby powder we use corn starch, we don't trust Johnson and Johnson with our daughter's health when it comes to powders or lotions. Many "baby powders" (talcum powder) are dangerous to breathe in, so we stick with natural food based items.  Oh and one more fun thing! coconut oil is great for baby massages.  My daughter LOVES them and she smells tasty afterwards too!


Happy Natural Parenting!

Some shop resources for baby and home products I like:

Our Green House
Earth Mama Angel Baby
Organically Hatched

What's Your Dosha, Baby?

Ayurveda (pronounced: eye-yer-vay-duh... yes, very Webster, I know) means "the science of life and longevity."


The following information about Ayurveda is provided by my instructor at SWIHA, Melanie:


"It is a traditional wellness system that has been practiced in India for over 5,000 years. This ancient healing wisdom has been passed on through the generations, and is still recognized as one of the most complete mind, body, spirit healing systems to this day. Ayurvedic medicine treats each person individually, taking into consideration the person's lifestyle, diet, exercise, behavioral characteristics, body type, and more. The system's goal is to obtain a balance of the mind, body and spirit as a whole.


Ayurveda states that everyone and everything is composed of five fundamental elements. All matter is made up of the five elements, as follows:
Earth - the solid state of matter
Water - the fluid state of matter
Fire - the energy power to transform matter from one state into another
Air - the gaseous state of matter
Space - the space in which matter can exist and is contained"

Source

We have all of these elements present in us, what makes us unique is the different levels of each found within each person. True well being, in this case, is dependent upon the harmony and balance of the mix of elements in the individual. This mix of elements is known as our personal "constitutions" or our Dosha. "The five elements, when combined, give rise to three biological forces, your personal 'dosha'."


Vata = Space/Air, primary is Air
Pitta = Fire/Water, primary is Fire
Kapha = Water/Earth, primary is Earth

Source

Source

 - We are going to play with this science more throughout our time together on this blog, but until then let's focus on the basics... like figuring out what your dosha is first, and then later exploring what this means for you! -

Dosha Quiz:

Instructions: If the statement is true for you write "2" for Yes. If the statement is a Maybe or Uncertain write a "1". If the statement is not true write a "0" for No.

Yes = 2

Maybe/Uncertain = 1

No = 0

__ 1. I am always thinking; my mind never slows down.

__ 2. My body is not proportionate (too long or short),

__ 3. I am always cold.

__ 4. I am a thin person and do not gain weight easily.

__ 5. I do tasks quickly but I need frequent breaks.

__ 6. I have one of these conditions: hemorrhoids, gas, irritable bowel syndrome.

__ 7. I am a light sleeper and do not have solid, continuous sleep.

__ 8. I get constipated.

__ 9. During the last 10 years, my weight has fluctuated within 10 pounds.

__ 10. It is hard for me to make a decision.

__ 11. I want to do and learn so many things right now. 

__ 12. I start many projects but seldom finish them.

__ 13. I have trouble staying in a long term relationship.

__ 14. I can not stay in the same job too long.

__ 15. I get bored doing repetitive tasks.

__ 16. I am creative but my creativity comes in spurts.

__ 17. I am the life of the party.

__ 18. I learn things quickly but I have difficulty remembering them later.

__ 19. I prefer working with my hands instead of reading a book.

__ 20. I worry often; even over the most insignificant things.

Vata Total: ___________

__ 1. I can focus on jobs and tasks and complete them on time.

__ 2. I am well organized and plan things well.

__ 3. I have a strong will and seldom give up.

__ 4. I am an efficient person.

__ 5. I seldom get constipated.

__ 6. I usually feel hot.

__ 7. I have a healthy appetite and prefer large meals.

__ 8. I have skin disorders such as acne, rash, eczema, psoriasis.

__ 9. I am sometimes stubborn.

__ 10. I can lose my temper easily.

__ 11. I think I am always right.

__ 12. I need factual information before making decisions.

__ 13. I am not happy unless everything is done to perfection.

__ 14. I have a sensitive intestine.

__ 15. I can tolerate temperature changes.

__ 16. My body is average; I am not overweight or underweight.

__ 17. My weight moderately fluctuates.

__ 18. I lack patience.

__ 19. I am too hard on myself and others.

__ 20. I can work for long periods of time without breaks.

Pitta Total: __________

__ 1. I have a large body frame.

__ 2. I gain weight easily.

__ 3. I enjoy eating.

__ 4. I can do repetitive tasks.

__ 5. I don't like change. 

__ 6. I am caring, affectionate, and deep.

__ 7. Nothing bother me; I take things in stride.

__ 8. Trust is very important to me.

__ 9. I love to sleep.

__ 10. My body is always warm.

__ 11. I take my time to complete tasks.

__ 12. I do not like to rush.

__ 13. I like the way I am; I don't want to change.

__ 14. I have frequent sinus infections and congestion.

__ 15. It is hard for me to lose weight.

__ 16. It is hard for me to let things go.

__ 17. I am slow and steady but I keep going until I finish the job.

__ 18. I like systematic routine.

__ 19. I do not like damp weather.

__ 20. I have a good memory; I am a slow learning but I retain information for a long time.

Kapha Total: ________

OK - What are your totals?

Vata:

Pitta:

Kapha:

Remember, you will have all three in your personal constitution. If your numbers are all near in amount then you are a more balanced constitution. Most people will have one dosha that is ahead of the rest with a second dosha in a close second. This is called a "dual-dosha." 

Me: Vata = 11 ; Pitta = 24 ; Kapha = 27.

So, my dominant dosha is Kapha and my dual dosha is Pitta. To put it into tangible terms, my emotions and personality is rooted in Kapha. My motivation, temperament and physical body is Pitta. My creative side is more Vata. 

Beau's doshas are all very similar in number and his divisions are pretty easy to see; mentally he is Vata, temperament is Pitta, and physically and emotionally Kapha.

...... now what? Well next we will talk about what these doshas look like in people. After that, we will discuss what happens when we have an imbalance in our doshas and how to help balance them again. However, that will have to wait for different posts. 

Source

Tell me what your dosha is in the comments below! I would love to hear what your results turned out to be!

Looking Forward to Getting to Know You,

~ Birdie

Medicinal Roots - Week 4: Yoga!

Question:
My boyfriend threw his back out yesterday and I'm trying to convince him to check out the $5 yoga classes at SWIHA with me tomorrow (I want to try the yoga basics class). He thinks he should get adjusted before going and I was going to try to find out if yoga would actually help his back instead of worsen it. What would you advise?
PS- Also, I've never taken yoga before, should I start with that class? What classes would help neck/shoulder/back tension?


Answer:
I love this question because it allows me to hop onto one of many of my soap boxes. I love Yoga. Plain. And. Simple. I love it. I love what it does for the individual as well as what it does for the community of spirits enjoying it together. I love the spiritual connectedness that it awakens. I love the control it gives us over our bodies and the peace of mind we receive through deep breathing. I love it.

Source

That being said, I recommend that your boyfriend do whatever it is he has done in the past that has been successful. If this means going to go to his chiropractic Doc to get a back adjustment, then he should. AFTER his back is stronger and he is feeling better, YES! Go to Yoga classes together! Yoga will help strengthen his back so that he won't throw it out again in the future. It will strengthen his knees, thighs, shoulders, and chest so that his core will be supported correctly. Yoga will also straighten his posture which will also help his back. 


When you both finally do make it to a class, be sure to get there early so that you can speak with the instructor. Talk with the instructor about his back issues so that the instructor can be conscious of it during class. The instructor should be able to tell your boyfriend of any alternative poses he can do to benefit his back and also so that your boyfriend doesn't attempt any poses that might hurt his back, like the Candle-Stick. 


In general, Yoga is an amazing strength building exercise that any mobile person can participate in. You don't have to be athletically inclined, skinny, tall, short, in-shape, young, old, or average. It really is an activity that welcomes all to its table. And best yet, you can start at any time! You don't have to be a Yogi to participate. New faces are always welcome!

Um... amazing, right? Source

Source

The benefits of Yoga are numerous and while I am not fully educated... ok ok... I am barely educated on the full potential of Yoga, but I understand some of the many benefits. Because it is a strength building exercise it is excellent for people with arthritis and stiffness of the joints. The movement and flexibility of the poses helps with blood circulation and blood pressure. One of the most prominent features of classic Yoga is that it is slow, calm, and quiet. It is a peaceful exercise. It allows time for reflection, meditation, and stillness of the mind. This is great for those who suffer from anxiety, stress, and mind chatter. 

Source

Yoga is a spiritual experience as well. When I say "spiritual" I do not mean one religion. I am talking about true spiritualism. There doesn't have to be one single religion about it. Is Yoga associated with one (or three) particular belief systems? Yes, but it doesn't have to be for you. That, my friends, is completely your choice.Yoga practice is a time to search your inner self and to connect to your spirit. It is a time to connect with a higher Spirit... who or whatever that higher Spirit may be to the individual. This can be a time of prayer or meditation. A time to imagine changes we would like to see in ourselves. And it is a time to give thanks for what we have in our lives and the people we share it with. Gratitude is very important, here is an opportunity to embrace it! 

Source

So what about that funny little word at the end of your Yoga experience? You know the one... you are sitting on your mat, facing the instructor. Your hands are pressed together at the palms near your heart with your fingers pointing toward the sky. You bow and say "Namaste." What does that mean anyway? A modern interpretation of the word is "The spirit in me respects the spirit in you." It could also be "The divinity in me bows to the divinity in you." It is typically used as a greeting and parting message among those in India, similarly to our "hello" and "goodbye." It really isn't all that weird in the end, but rather beautiful when you think about it.

Source

As I mentioned above, talk to your Yoga instructor before class. Get to know them and let them know of any physical concerns you might have regarding your Yoga practice. They can't help you if they don't know if there is anything hurting you. This includes head colds, flus, and other illnesses. (Yep, there are poses out there that will open your sinuses!) Be aware that inversions are not advised for women who are pregnant or on their menstrual cycles.


Some Excellent Resources:

• Spirit of Yoga (SWIHA's Yoga Den) 

                 Rates 
                 Schedule

• Imagination Yoga - Yoga for Kids!
• Iyengar Yoga - What is Yoga?
• Pregnancy Yoga - YouTube

Namaste,
~ Birdie

Forgiveness

 “Forgiving is rediscovering the shining path of peace that at first you thought others took away when they betrayed you.”

~Dodinsky

Why must we forgive? When our hearts and minds are filled with distant offences and the aches and pains of betrayal, why must we forgive? Who deserves our forgiveness; especially after what we have been through? Why is forgiveness such a virtue? It took me many years to understand the importance of forgiveness and how it could be so healing. The very idea of telling someone that I forgave them of their crime against me outraged me. Why should I give them such freedom and release of their wrong-doing? Why?

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

~Louis B. Smedes

Over the course of my adult life I have had the opportunity to be exposed to people who have practiced forgiveness in their lives. I have heard their stories and their reasons for forgiveness. Stories of unimaginable pain and abuse, back stabbing and revenge, vindictiveness and deceit. And yet, they found a way to forgive. They forgave their abusers, adulterators, friends, and family because they personally needed to let go. They needed the release and freedom… not the other way around. It was explained to me time and time again that when we forgive we do so for us and no one else. We forgive so that we can grow as an individual and end the bitterness and resentment toward the offending person. We forgive so that we can live our lives and no longer have a heavy heart.

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.”

~Harriet Nelson

This is all very new to me, as I have a tendency to hold on to things, bear grudges, and push things deep down inside. Emotions spring up out of the deep blue of my soul from an offense that happened years ago. I feel pain, jealousy, resentment, anger, and numbness toward specific people and situations. I feel out of control, distant, and continually put out. These are feelings that I do not enjoy.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

As I become increasingly aware of myself, how I feel, and why I feel and act the way I do when challenged, I am finding that I am not as Zen as I once originally thought. My confession here today is that I am not perfect and never will I be. I have dark feelings as often as I have loving ones. I am judgmental, insecure, angry, and argumentative. While these qualities are not my favorite side of me, I must honor them as they have given me strength in moments of weakness and fear. My task ahead of me, now, is learning how to be accepting and loving, strong and direct without being mean or jaded. I need to learn to share and understand that love is universal and that we cannot run out of it. Love does not have a shelf life nor does it have limitations.

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.”

~Cherie Carter-Scott

My first step in this journey is to learn forgiveness. I have many people in my life that I need to forgive – whether they hear me say it or not. I need to release my heart from holding on to things of the past in the blind hope that I could someday change them. If I could manage to do that, I could liberate the people who have hurt me from the highest of expectations I have of them. I could fully enjoy a relationship with them and others without the recurring feelings of jealousy and insecurity, disappointment and aggression. I would be more open to love than to pain and I would no longer keep people at an arm’s length away.

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

~Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, as we all know so well. It takes time and patience, commitment and love. It takes awareness and a constant inner-dialogue. It takes time. It takes time. I feel blessed that I will be spending so much time this summer practicing Yoga and learning how to sit with myself in silence. I feel blessed that I am going to have that time in the morning to meditate on how I feel and focus on forgiving.

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.”

~E. H. Chapin

I am slowly learning to live in my heart. I am learning to tell people when I am thinking of them. I am learning to tell them how I feel; to acknowledge the gifts in other people and honor them. It makes my heart race. I am vulnerable, but it brings me peace. I am learning to live in a state of love and care. If I can practice and learn forgiveness, I can begin to heal the world.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

~Mark Twain

Join Me in the Journey,

~Birdie