Forgiveness

 “Forgiving is rediscovering the shining path of peace that at first you thought others took away when they betrayed you.”

~Dodinsky

Why must we forgive? When our hearts and minds are filled with distant offences and the aches and pains of betrayal, why must we forgive? Who deserves our forgiveness; especially after what we have been through? Why is forgiveness such a virtue? It took me many years to understand the importance of forgiveness and how it could be so healing. The very idea of telling someone that I forgave them of their crime against me outraged me. Why should I give them such freedom and release of their wrong-doing? Why?

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

~Louis B. Smedes

Over the course of my adult life I have had the opportunity to be exposed to people who have practiced forgiveness in their lives. I have heard their stories and their reasons for forgiveness. Stories of unimaginable pain and abuse, back stabbing and revenge, vindictiveness and deceit. And yet, they found a way to forgive. They forgave their abusers, adulterators, friends, and family because they personally needed to let go. They needed the release and freedom… not the other way around. It was explained to me time and time again that when we forgive we do so for us and no one else. We forgive so that we can grow as an individual and end the bitterness and resentment toward the offending person. We forgive so that we can live our lives and no longer have a heavy heart.

“Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself.”

~Harriet Nelson

This is all very new to me, as I have a tendency to hold on to things, bear grudges, and push things deep down inside. Emotions spring up out of the deep blue of my soul from an offense that happened years ago. I feel pain, jealousy, resentment, anger, and numbness toward specific people and situations. I feel out of control, distant, and continually put out. These are feelings that I do not enjoy.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

~Mahatma Gandhi

As I become increasingly aware of myself, how I feel, and why I feel and act the way I do when challenged, I am finding that I am not as Zen as I once originally thought. My confession here today is that I am not perfect and never will I be. I have dark feelings as often as I have loving ones. I am judgmental, insecure, angry, and argumentative. While these qualities are not my favorite side of me, I must honor them as they have given me strength in moments of weakness and fear. My task ahead of me, now, is learning how to be accepting and loving, strong and direct without being mean or jaded. I need to learn to share and understand that love is universal and that we cannot run out of it. Love does not have a shelf life nor does it have limitations.

“Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.”

~Cherie Carter-Scott

My first step in this journey is to learn forgiveness. I have many people in my life that I need to forgive – whether they hear me say it or not. I need to release my heart from holding on to things of the past in the blind hope that I could someday change them. If I could manage to do that, I could liberate the people who have hurt me from the highest of expectations I have of them. I could fully enjoy a relationship with them and others without the recurring feelings of jealousy and insecurity, disappointment and aggression. I would be more open to love than to pain and I would no longer keep people at an arm’s length away.

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

~Lewis B. Smedes

Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, as we all know so well. It takes time and patience, commitment and love. It takes awareness and a constant inner-dialogue. It takes time. It takes time. I feel blessed that I will be spending so much time this summer practicing Yoga and learning how to sit with myself in silence. I feel blessed that I am going to have that time in the morning to meditate on how I feel and focus on forgiving.

“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge, and dares forgive an injury.”

~E. H. Chapin

I am slowly learning to live in my heart. I am learning to tell people when I am thinking of them. I am learning to tell them how I feel; to acknowledge the gifts in other people and honor them. It makes my heart race. I am vulnerable, but it brings me peace. I am learning to live in a state of love and care. If I can practice and learn forgiveness, I can begin to heal the world.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”

~Mark Twain

Join Me in the Journey,

~Birdie